Five reasons why i have five fingers.

I truly believe that we are all born into this world to impact others’ lives for generations to come. Of what nature the impact is, is up to you as an individual. The choices you make, the words you speak, the actions you take, will bring you peace when it is your time to leave this life behind. I believe there are five reasons why i have been born into this life with one hand…

1. To prove that a positive attitude towards any situation will always bring a positive outcome. Every time someone has spoken negatively regarding my disability i have  achieved a positive outcome. Mindfully thinking positively will overcome negativity.
2. To ensure that every child who struggles to do something physical, sees how a girl with one hand can do it. This enables a thought provoking situation, one that i shouldn’t really put myself in. The child will view me as different, yes i am different but that shouldn’t stop me from doing anything. Several thoughts and questions are brought to the forefront of their mind to produce action. Which will lead to success.
3. To speak out. Not only against discrimination but to speak about the highs and lows of living differently to others, within everyday conversations. Undertaking the task to ensure this becomes the ‘norm’. No more ‘awkward questions’ just curious questions.
4. To provide a voice for those like me, who may not have the confidence i hold. The world has seen a colossal rate of change in technology the past 30 years which has no signs of slowing down. This has provided a voice for those who would not have been heard or seen 20-30 years ago. An accepting audience who choose to follow similar and greater stories than mine are the secret behind acceptance of disabilities. Not the media.
5. To leave this world as Natalie….. i love my disabled title “that girl with one arm” but i want to be remembered as Natalie, the one who would prove everyone wrong. Natalie, the one who would never quit. Natalie, the one who couldn’t be silenced.

Five discriminations against my five fingers

As a child I wasn’t brain washed to think I was disabled or any different to people with ten fingers. This may have set me up to think I am “disabled” as I have recently experienced discrimination whilst engaging in job interviews. 

Before I go ahead and share my experiences with certain companies, I need to declare that none have officially been accused of discrimination and they will “get away with it” because it is the hardest type of discrimination to prove. 

1. I have been asked about the “movement” in my arm and my abilities. This is a question that Is mandatory for the employer to ask, they have a right to know. The issue was the way in which I was asked several times within one interview. 

2. In another instance I had to show the interviewer how my prosthetic moves, which was very degrading and I wish I had walked out of there shouting explicits.

3. I was also asked how I would cope with specific tasks. But again it was not the fact that they were asking. It was how they asked and then how they responded to my answers. You could see it in their eyes, they were trying to imagine how a girl with five fingers would complete the task.

4. Do I need adaptions? No. If I did I would have stated so on my application form that I am disabled and may require some form of an adaption.

5. Lastly, this one is a discriminating question that most women face when being interviewed. Will you be having any more children? No was my answer but what if it was yes? Would I have less of a chance than the women who said no? 
Now, I have to state again that I cannot prove any of these claims as it is how I have interpreted the questions, looks and gestures. 

More recently I’ve emailed a complaint against a big retail company and I have received one reply. The reply was a simple one and they are not taking my claim seriously and never will. It is my word against two professionals who interview people everyday. The one thing I can claim for sure is that it is now an issue, I am clearly different. I may not think I have a disability but others think I have.  

5 things i am NOT aware of….

1. Last month (April) was limb difference awareness month. This was the first year i have been aware of this. Considering my limb difference i thought i would have been aware of this special month. To discover that this is a ‘thing’ was refreshing and i wish there was more awareness.

2.     I was not aware of the magnitude of people who are spreading this message of ability. The lucky fin project featured some amazing children and adults who are amazing and breaking traditional boundaries every day. It is aspiring to see these stories and how connected this community of unique people are.

3.    I was not aware that social media is still locked in this old age of perfection and flawless photos. I am aware of perfection and aware of imperfections, but the imperfections leave you with a sense of unawareness. The effect of seeing these imperfections on your timeline will last longer than the perfect images.

4.     I am definitely not aware of how different i am. Regardless of being alive for 26 years, I have no sense of how different I am. But also I am not the same as anyone. I am unique, as is everyone.

5.     I forget how different i may seem to others. Whether that is, good different or bad different in their minds, i am not aware.

Five things I can’t do with my five fingers.

This list was hard to fill, took me days to think of things I can’t do because I can do just about anything.
1. Scratch the top of my left arm, there is this really awkward itch I get sometimes and I just can’t reach it so I have to scratch it on something (closest door frame/sharp edge) looking like the bear out of jungle book! 

2. Neatly plait my hair or French braid it. I can do loose plaits and this is only to get waves in summer when it’s too hot to dry and style.

3. Shave my left armpit completely! I can do most of it really just leave a couple of hairs usually, this is when Matt comes in handy… Ha handy?! 😂🙈

4. Change a light bulb. This is the most frustrating thing ever! I like looking after the house and seeing as Matt isn’t very good at the whole DIY thing I like to DIY and not being able to hold the light and push that light bulb up so I can get it out it makes me mad.

5. Handstands. A childhood fave that I could never do, I know a few famous one handed gymnasts who can do it but I’m not brave enough to risk it. 

I’m sure one day I will figure them out. There is always a way, I just need to find my way of doing these things.  

Dear younger me…

Dear younger me, at this moment in your life you only see the past and present, the future is not a thing you believe in. I could tell you everything that will happen in the next 15 years, but that would make life way too easy, so here is my advice to you, to help you through. 

First of all, having one arm will be your greatest strength, it will be how you are perceived by others, embrace it. Highlight what you CAN do, prove them all wrong. Mum and dad will not give you an easy life; it’s only to make you stronger and independent. Let them stare; they’re only curious (its not everyday you see a girl with one arm looking so confident) it won’t bother you anyway.

Family are the most important people you will have in your life, they WILL be there and your sisters will always come back and you will learn to forgive them as they learn to forgive you, everyone deserves a second chance and people can change. Believe; not only in yourself but others too.

 

School is uncomplicated, appreciate everyday, the days of embarrassing moments, the days of detention, the days of exams, above all else; enjoy lunch times with your friends, the nights in the local park, sleepovers and not having a curfew. School does not define you; it is the smallest part of your life that will quickly pass.

College is the greatest two years of your academic life (so far), work hard and accept harsh criticism… also turn up still drunk on Fridays, it makes you illustrate  better.

 

Boys will teach you many lessons in younger life, tears will be shed and you WILL learn from your mistakes.

One boy, one day, will make you laugh, keep him happy, be sure to laugh together every day.

Being a mother will define you, test you and reward you in the most extraordinary ways. Stay strong. As mother says, “I have the patience of a saint” you will require this type of patience too.

Death will happen, it’s an inevitable part of life and when it does occur, new life will be born. New life will comfort you in this time of grievance.

 

Not everyone will agree with the decisions you make, do what you think is right. Don’t listen to other people’s advice; no one actually knows what they are doing.

 

Give generously without expecting anything back. Believe in everything and everyone. Trust; not only trust other people but yourself, to make the right decisions.

 

Most importantly, love who you are…. who you are becoming. Continue to improve yourself to be a better person as a mother, sister, daughter, partner, friend.  

Those awkward questions.

From being a young girl I always knew when someone was staring, just an instinct I guess, I don’t mind, it’s never bothered me and never will, also it’s understandable. Hell if I seen someone with one arm I would stare too, it’s rare and I want to compare!
Thing is with most people it’s just pure curiosity, questions wanting to be asked but they feel it would make the situation awkward.
So here are the top ten questions everyone wants to ask me..

1. How did it happen?
Best answer for this is that my mum chopped my arm off because I was naughty as a kid. This answer is to scare the children, it doesn’t work though!
Real answer is, nothing happened. Boring I know, but I was simply born like this. No my mother did not take drugs whilst I was in the womb, nor was it because of any other reason, there is just no way of medically explaining what happened and we will never know.

2. Does it hurt?
Sometimes yes because the prosthetic I wear can rub and irritate if not fitted correctly, it’s hot or I’ve done a lot of activity that day. For the majority of my life it hasn’t caused any pain.

3. Do you take the prosthetic off when you bathe?
Yes I have to. If I didn’t it would irritate and cause pain, it’s weird material inside which doesn’t cope well with water and the ‘sock’ I wear.

4. Do you sleep with the prosthetic on?
No. I have done a few times and it’s not very comfy. Cold and hard.

5. Why do you wear a prosthetic?
When I was going into high school I wore it to ‘fit in’ but nowadays I HAVE to wear it so I can function and not have a carer look after my children or do my housework. Doing my hair or even cooking tea would be impossible without it. I no longer wear it to look like everyone else, I wear it so I can be independent!

6. Does it hurt if you hit someone with it?
Yes. Please ask sisters and partner if it hurt!

7. Is it hereditary?
No. It can’t be and never will be! Both my boys have ten fingers.

8. Can you swim?
Yes, but I don’t like deep water as I’m scared of heights and being in deep water feels high to me so you won’t see me doing lengths in the pool.

9. Can you ride a bike?
Yes since I was about 9/10 and I love it.

10. Is there ANYTHING you can’t do?
No I always find a way.
I’m a determined little soul so if you throw anything at me I can do it, might take a while to figure out but it’s not impossible!

These questions are just the popular ones, if there are any i left out please just comment and i would be happy answer.

Always best to ask.

Unlucky for some.

Friday the 13^th, unlucky for some. Not for me, this was the day Jacob (my second son) was born into this world.

My labour was great, only lasting 1 hour 33 minutes, with just gas and air, I had a water birth which was what I wanted. Labour progressed quickly once I was in the pool and he came with three pushes! He was a healthy weight of 7lb 10oz, looked exactly the same as his big brother and very quiet, didn’t cry for days. We were ok to go home the same day, so packed our things up and went home, to settle into this new life of being a family of four.

Over the next few days we were busy with seeing family, so they could meet Jacob, trying to figure out how to balance our attention between the two boys. Getting to know our new baby and just generally sleeping and recovering.

Eight days into this new life being born, we received the news that my Nana had been taken ill.

At first it seemed a like minor chest problem, it then escalated, she had several things wrong with her. Her body was shutting down and she was given 24 hours to live. The news was a shock to the whole family and most of all I didn’t believe it! How could there be a new life and a death in such a short amount of precious time?

Twenty four hours to live and I had a newborn baby to care for. How would I ever get to say goodbye to her? Would she ever meet her new great grandson?

We did make it in time, they did meet each other and even though she could barely say a word, was drowsy from the drugs and her life was slowly disappearing…. I held him close to her, and she smiled at him! Best of all smiled at me too, like she was saying “Well done, he’s beautiful”. I held him there for as long as I could, Jacob just stared right at her and I felt awful having to leave. She would not stop looking at him and I knew this would be the first and last time they will get to be together. Leaving was hard. Knowing the next time I would be at the hospital would be to say goodbye forever. The next morning, nine days into Jacob’s new life, my nanas life was taken, peacefully, with someone by her side.

I was asked if I wanted to go say goodbye, at first it seemed like something I HAD to do, everyone else was. I thought about it and the last moments we got to spend with her, that’s what I wanted as my last memory. I was worried I would regret not going but I am happy with my last moments with her.

That one smile was the last memory I have and will treasure forever. Every time I look into Jacob’s eyes I think of her, I think of how she stared into his eyes and saw him, not just looked at him but really saw who he is.

I may not have been there for nana for the past few years, that’s just life, we grow up and grow apart. Everyone  has lives of their own and their own famiies to build. We learnt from the best Nana, how to bring up children. Nana taught us how to be good mothers, she was the best Mother and Nana and Great Grandma.

I had a whole childhood full of great memories with my Nana.

George and Jacob will now love her through MY memories with their Grandma Edith.

Despite all the drama and arguments (that are inevitable when someone passes away) family has pulled together, been strong and hopefully it will only make us all stronger.

“That girl with one arm?!”

“That girl with one arm?!” Many times i have heard this be said about me, to me and said it myself! (mainly so people who wouldn’t have normally recognised me…do so.) I don’t find it offensive or let it bother me, if anything its a way of making myself stand out, be different and make people remember who i am.

Who am i? Ask anyone who they are and they will say their name, my name isn’t who i am. I am my name and i am that girl with one arm, the one who never lets it stop her from doing anything and makes her stronger, more level headed, more outgoing, confident, opinionated. Truth is, i love myself, not in an arrogant or naive way but a ‘i will not let any person tell me otherwise’. If i don’t love myself, who will? Many women are so quick to judge me when i say this. Having a different body and not being able to change that has made it essential to love myself. Its not like i can loose the weight or have plastic surgery to repair this fault, so I’ve dealt with it and learnt to love it! I know a few people who love it too 🙂

Anyway, the reason this subjects my first blog is, its coming up to summertime and it will be hot or shall i say just humid (typical british summer!) so long sleeves will not be wearable. Short sleeved tops will be out and my arm stump too. Many strangers will be viewing my arm for the first time, they can stare all they want, say anything they want, it won’t bother me. It helps me to realise how lucky i am; to be able to walk, push my son in a pram, take George to the park, run around after George too, so all these people can stare and see how much it DOESNT bother me! Must thank my mum and dad who showed me tough love and always let me try or shall i say, just left me to it. Their parenting skills (or lack of haha!) made me strong and if they hadn’t stepped back and let me get on with it, then i don’t where i would be, or who i would be.

Funny thing is i surprise a lot of people when i achieve things in life i.e. ride a bike, learn to swim, zip up a coat, carry several items in one hand, put my own hair up, mother two children! Sometimes it surprises me that they would think i couldn’t be able to, but then i remember, its good to surprise people and show them what your made of! 

So when i pass and if my grave stone reads “That girl with one arm” i will be smiling! 🙂